I get asked this a lot and for someone who is still awkwardly married (in my head) I wince! I mean how is married life supposed to treat someone? You think through to get married right? And God forbid! If you were to answer that? Would they really want to hear details? I think not!
Maybe I am just lucky that nothing much has changed, having a progressive partner has truly helped but mostly I have managed to preserve my individuality and I do manage to stream roll my new family into newer things (read: Bhaang, or eating non veg for Holi / Diwali Blasphemous no?! But they aren’t complaining)
Marriage is hard, very hard. But you learn, learn to put others before you. You learn to be needed by another human being, in sickness or health (literally) It is not just about lovingly picking up after your other half (guy / girl) but to be there when one is unwell is when you truly learn a lot about yourself!
You learn that there is another person who needs your time and attention, you are around not just because you have to, but because you don’t know how not to. You learn to turn over in the middle of the night to check on your half, fret when he/ she is not home on time and you can’t reach them on call. You find yourself concerned when you know they have a very important meeting when means a lot to them. You give up your own tantrums to make way for his once in a while and sometimes you resist brawling your eyes out just because you can and let reasoning prevail!
Also you know what? Marriage is no different from singledom except that every night is sleep over night, you get to meet your favourite person every single day! You are constantly together and there is no where to go, no complaints from others because you legally can spend all of your time together! 😀
Marriage does not have to change anything if you don’t want it to. You can still have your set of friends, you can still hang our with your guy friend, you can wear what you want to, be who you are; but do invest time to teach and recruit your new family and importantly your better half into your idealism of being and be sensitive. Just because you feel a particular way about certain things does not mean others have to conform to the same thing. Be compassionate, while these are new changes for you, it is a new change for the family to whom you now belong. Not every issue needs to be battled. Sometimes talking out helps.
Adjust, be kind and rationalize.